Other Fish in the Sea

Smitty,

I’m going away later in the year on a once in a lifetime trip. My boyfriend promised to come out and meet me halfway through as I was planning on scuba diving and he wants to learn as well. However we still haven’t taken lessons and he can barely swim. He keeps putting it off repeatedly and making excuses, meanwhile prices for flights etc. are going up up up. I have turned down the chance to spend that week with the other people on my trip and now realistically it’s looking like we won’t get to go. I’m really upset and he won’t even talk about it and just tells me to stop throwing a ‘bitch fit’ about it. He won’t understand that we’re busy people, there will always be a reason not to learn to dive and he talks about how we will prioritize it but never actually does so.

– Rach

———————————————————————————————–

Rach,

I’m sorry to hear your boyfriend is turning what sounds like an awesome opportunity into a stress fest.  My answer to your question is two steps.

Step 1:

Ask him to sit down because you want to talk about something important and ask that he waits until you finish before he responds.  Then explain how much this once in a lifetime opportunity means to you.  Tell him that you need him to stop demeaning your concerns by calling them a “bitch fit” and instead you need him to follow-through on the “prioritization” he keeps mentioning by booking lessons and buying plane tickets.  Say that if he really doesn’t want to go, even though he promised you, then he needs to offer a real explanation of why and not just excuses.

If he blows you off, offers more dumb excuses, or basically just continues acting the way he has been, move on to Step 2.

Step 2:

Dump his ass. Seriously. Telling you are throwing a “bitch fit” isn’t cool. Breaking promises and ignoring your valid concerns are not signs that he values your feelings. Refusing to talk about things means he doesn’t care at all about what you want. Then book the trip yourself and go meet a sexy scuba instructor.

– Smitty