Crimes Against Your Mammaries

by pbsmitty

Dear Smitty,

How do I tell my boyfriend to be a bit more gentle on my boobs? He got a little carried away last night and now they hurt like hell!

– 2nd Base Pains


Dear 2nd Base Pains,

So he really loves your peaches but he’s shaking the tree a bit too hard, eh?  Luckily it should be fairly easy to put him on the right rack track.

You’re probably best off approaching the situation a lot more gently than he approaches your boobs. You don’t want to phrase this in a way that makes him question his prowess or become nervous in bed. Try keeping things light but honest: “Babe, I love how passionate you get when we have sex but you really did a number on my cans last time. Next time try to go a little easier on the girls!” Hopefully he’ll get it and respond accordingly.

If it keeps up however, you may have to be more firm in your breast request. Or, you could be a bit more subtle. During sex you can maneuver the melon felon to positions where he doesn’t have easy access to your tatas (like reverse cowgirl) or tell him you love it when he grabs you by the hips because it gets a more powerful thrust. You could even tell him you want to tie him up!

Whatever you do, don’t let this upper body karate from your boyfriend take the fun out of funbags!

– Smitty