The Talk

by pbsmitty

Dear Smitty,

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now. We met online. 2 weeks ago we had the “talk” about exclusivity. He wanted to keep dating each other and other people. That was fine with me, but at what point do I broach the subject again and find out if he’s ready to just date me? Am I just wasting my time here?

– Single in the Midwest


 Dear Single in the Midwest,

There are really only two reasons why he doesn’t want to be exclusive.  The first is that he wants to play the field, sleep around, find something “better,” etc.  The second is that he doesn’t yet know you as well as he would like and is afraid of getting hurt or hurting you by jumping into things too soon.

So, I am going to answer your question with a few of my own.  How much time have you spent together in the past 6 weeks?  Have you only had one date or so a week?  Or have you been seeing each other every few days and been texting/calling/emailing in between?  Does he make plans in advance with you or does he wait until the last minute?  Have you met his friends yet?  Been to his place?  Spent a whole weekend together and not just a couple weekend nights?

Get the point? 

If things are moving in the right direction where you are starting to get to know more about him, he’s happy for you to meet his friends, and he make an effort to see lots of you then things are going well.  The “talk” will come up again naturally the more comfortable he gets with the idea of you in his life.

However, if you don’t hear from him for days at a time, haven’t learned too much about his friends or family and the relationship feels entirely too casual, then chances are there are a few other girls asking the same question about him right now.  In which case, be happy you’re not exclusive and go find someone better.

– Smitty